Unless I'm slower than most, (which is a definite possibility!) I didn't know what gamophobia was until I googled "fear of marriage" this morning. I would have thought gamophobia would be the fear of playing games. I expected fear of marriage to return something along the lines of maritaphobia, forevaphobia...something a little more obvious! :)

While I don't think I have gamophobia, I certainly have a large list of fears about marriage. The idea of marriage seemed much simpler when I was in college. Meet a guy, fall in love, commit to each other forever, start a family, and live happily ever after. A few arguments here and there, but nothing serious enough to make either partner want to leave! So to my surprise, from college till now, as all my single friends become married friends, and I learn more and more about the truth of marriage (as though someone had been hiding it from me all these years), it truly scares me about my own future marriage. Before, when my only concern was if we both had the same faith, and both wanted seemed pretty easy to find someone to marry. But now my head is filled with the reality of a marriage splitting over jealousy, unfaithfulness, money, lies, infertility, jobs, raising children, distance from God....the list in my head goes on and on and on. I'm even tearing up thinking about it all!

But before I give you the wrong idea....I do want, and plan, on getting married. And I do plan on it being my one and only marriage for the rest of my life. But seeing and hearing about people I love, disrespecting and breaking their vows to the person those chose to spend the rest of their life with...just breaks my heart, and lessens the amount of hope I have in the sanctity of my own marriage. What I want to hear from others is that they are struggling through hard times, but are making the effort to work through it. And that both partners come out on the other end without regret, continuing to work together to make the marriage work. I know it's possible. I just wonder why it's not more common.
Labels: | edit post
4 Responses
  1. It's not more common because it's HARD WORK and nobody wants to be "unhappy". I've tried coaxing several of my friends to stay committed and work at the marriage but they always say, "I know you don't believe in divorce Charity, but I'm just not happy". What they forget is, is that one time they WERE happy. So to think that leaving the marriage and finding somebody new will make it all better is a ridiculous thought because eventually a time will come where THAT relationship will be attacked by hard times too! When you get married there probably WILL be a time where you want out. A time where you are miserable and leaving seems the best way to end it all. I don't know any couple who hasn't been there. But sticking with it, working with your spouse and praying about it and having OTHERS pray about makes it bearable and so much better on the other end. It IS worth it. You just really have to be committed to the "bad days" and you are to the "good days"!

  2. Manda Says:

    Speaking from experience on this one, it is hard. It isn't easy especially when something not listed in the fairy tale pops up. We don't expect infidelity, or lying to the extreme to come along. It is so much easier to just move on then put work into it. We have had plenty of times where we considered splitting, it would be easier but the truth is marriage isn't easy. It is hard and a lot of work. You have to be willing to fight for it. At the end of the day you know when even over all the bad you still long for that person you know it is worth the fight. Too many people find comfort in the easy option when in the long run it would be so much better to stick around and fight. I am thankful God gave me the patience to wait through the years of hurt and pain to get to where I am today. I am thankful for my husband who is wonderful and such a blessing to me. Our commitment to one another was serious, we meant it. We won't stop fighting for it no matter what!

  3. Tiffany Says:

    Stephen Chapman says that the "in love" feeling part of love only lasts 2-3 yrs; you know, the "my knees go weak, gushy stomach" feeling that I thought "love" was. To me, that was the big secret no body told me about: that that will end, and that doesn't mean the marriage is over. It means its morphed into something else-a different kind of love. And that commitment is very hard. You're blessed to be brought into the know of the realities of marriage before-hand so that you aren't shocked when struggle comes. When the expectations are equal, and commitment sound, marriage CAN be as resilient to hard times as children are to change. Enjoy the "single" life though! Those are some fun times!

  4. Marriage can be hard work, annoying, hard work, heart breaking, hard work, disappointing, and hard work. :) But it can also be fulfilling, magical, amazing, and great. It's all about sacrificing and honoring each other. It's also about realizing that we are all human and make mistakes, so there needs to be a lot of forgiveness, too. Erik and I have never ever thought of splitting, but have had some hard times working through struggles. I have found that the biggest asset to our marriage is communication. When the communication is gone, that's when we start having problems. I'm not only talking communication with each other, but communicating with God,too. Erik always says, "Couples that pray together, stay together."

Post a Comment