I was very tempted NOT to write about the following, due to potential embarrassment or harassment if I fail (again). But I've got to get over the embarassment factor and just "tell it like it is". Comically...I can do that so easily about any other subject... I go...again. I gotta do it this time. For real. No pills, no liquid substitutes....I gotta start eating right. I've GOT to lose 80lbs. 80lbs is subjective, of course. But that's my ultimate goal to get me to a healthy BMI. Although I'm not completely surprised - I am amazed by the fact that I have managed to gain 35lbs. since my wedding day. I can already hear the "wow" and "that's unbelievable" thoughts running through your head as you read that. That's right - 35lbs. in 4 months. Makes me angry. And sad. And dissappointed in myself. I knew I wasn't going to keep all that weight off with the way I chose to lose it...but I certainly didn't expect to gain above and beyond what I had lost, putting me at a new all-time high for my weight. I've felt worse about myself the past couple months than I ever have before. And the possibility of starting a family in the next year or so is looming before me. I can't carry pregnancy weight on-top of the weight I'm already carrying. I just can't.

So I'm on day 4 today. I began the LA Weight Loss plan on Monday. It's the only program I've ever liked and really stuck to. I then went on a weight loss forum to find an accountability partner. And I lucked out with that! My new friend, Colleen, is from Canada, and though she's starting out at a lower weight than me, is the same height with the same goal. She has an office job, as we've had the opportunity to email back and forth more than 10 times the past 2 days. We seem to have a lot in common. She has a daughter with a rare muscle disease that the doctors can't figure out, and we've had interesting discussion about that. I'm also keeping on online journal of all my food intake, as well as my water and vitamins.

I can do this. I know I can. I've done it in the past, and there's no better reason to become healthy than for my future family.

I weigh in on Mondays, and will do my best to post my progress. The one thing I can't do at this point is post my starting weight. Too ashamed. Maybe after I've lost some weight and feel better about the process...
0 Responses

Post a Comment