Zimbabwe was more than I could have studied, been told about, or imagined. More emotional. More raw. More surreal. More shocking. More spiritual. Going there managed to tear me down, yet build me up. I felt ashamed of my selfishness, yet proud of my determination. Hesitant to learn more of their everyday reality, yet drawn to each individual story.

I have failed at any attempt I've made to describe my time there thus far - resulting in confusion and a lot of self-examination. Part comedy, part obsurdity - I envisioned myself somewhat as a mission superhero before leaving the states. Flying to a foreign country with a heart determined to seek and save, bringing material possessions that have little to no importance in my life as the ultimate sacrifice for someone with less, "surviving" on mere bread, rice, and chicken - all to make my Father smile down and say"Well done, my good and faithful servant".

But the closest I got to being a superhero was wrapping my towel around my neck as a cape.

They don't need a superhero. They need to see the love God has for them -through us. And when I whisked in with my charming smile and bag of tricks - I wonder where I left the simple sincerity of a heart longing to touch a single soul for Jesus. Somehow it became a matter of impressing them with my willingness to share a bag of candy from the dollar tree, rather than impressing ON them the ultimate gift and sacrifice that's been given for us. If there had been a video camera and some sad music in the background, my interactions would have made a perfect commercial for sponsoring an orphan on TV. It was so easy to get caught up in the moment of 50 kids all wanting to hold your hand at the same time. Such a boost to the ego!

Needless to say, I'm struggling with feelings of failure. Failing those who gave financially to send us there. Those who prayed for our effectiveness during those 14 days. And failing God. Most of all - God. I pray the door he opened for us resulted in good beyond my line of vision. That the failure I feel results in a renewed appreciation for the time I have with others.

My new reality is that...perhaps...the person whose soul needing saving the most during those 2 weeks - was mine.

I wasn't prepared for that possibility. Realizing my lack of superpowers and level of spiritual immaturity was an unwelcome surprise. But I'm finally ready to tell you about God's power beyond my blind arrogance. He did some pretty amazing things while I was over there. Stay tuned. Snapshots of our Lord's awesomeness to come.

It's necessary that I update you on Satan's losing battle in raising funds for Chris and I to serve in Zimbabwe in less than 6 weeks!

Since my last post, we have been blessed with friends who have stepped forward to support us. Not only am I aware of many prayers going up on our behalf, but we have had $640 dollars pledged to us ($250 specifically for our bills in October), and an additional $100 check given to us for our travel insurance since then. One of my past bosses here at work also told me on Friday that she was going to try and rally funds for us through people I work with and with those in her close circle of friends. Though we still have a ways to go, I fully believe that God is going to bless us with the means to go. We're still hoping and praying that Chris's health insurance kicks in before the second rounds of shots, saving us around $200.

We had the wonderful opportunity of spending a fair amount of time this past week with the group from Wichita, Kansas that we'll be joining forces with over in Zimbabwe. It was my first time meeting them, and based on how bad my stomach muscles hurt from laughing, I'd say it's a good match. They are all such sweet and loving people, and seem to share in my desire for a sense of humor in dealing with life. It only got me more excited to serve over there with them.

In other news, Chris and I both got this weird bug on Saturday. He woke up in the middle of Friday night, vomiting. He thought it was the pizza he had had for dinner the night before. Throughout the morning, he developed a headache, and still felt nausous, but eventually began feeling better slightly after lunchtime. Then, in the middle of the afternoon, I started vomiting....but I hadn't had the pizza from the night before. I then got a headache and felt nauseous. But 12 hours later, I was fine again. It was the weirdest thing.

As another update - I've lost 22lbs. total since I started my "Fathead".....lifestyle!. I've plateaud the past month or so, but I know all I need to do is get my butt on the treadmill to jumpstart it. I've kept my eating on track, and continued taking my vitamins. Saying (and thinking) I need to lose 53lbs. is a lot easier to deal with than 75lbs, though. Slowly, but surely!

Please keep praying for us as we prepare ourselves for the upcoming mission!

The devil is a nasty little thing. He works through the thoughts in my mind and on the strings of my heart in ways I easily turn a blind eye to. Ways that make evil seem like a natural reality.

We have exactly 46 days before we leave for Zimbabwe. Mine and Chris's first mission trip opportunity as a couple. I wondered if we'd ever be able to do something like this together, as marriage tends to lead quickly towards having kids, who tend to suck all your time and money, which tends to leave little opportunity for fulfilling God's work beyond the boundaries of your home. But we've been blessed with this amazing opportunity to serve in an African country. Training over the past year has overflowed with information about the country, the culture, and hypothetical situations we should be prepared for. Emotionally and spiritually preparing ourselves (if that's even possible) for the poverty we are about to witness and the everyday reality of yet another child dying from AIDS or malnutrition. And now we're down to the last 6 weeks. My heart starts racing faster everytime I think about how close it's getting.

So where's the devil in all this? He makes me forget that Jesus was able to raise the dead. That God spoke to Moses in a burning bush. That miracles do happen. He's allowed the stress of the financial aspect of this trip to burden me to the point of tears. To make me question if we should be going at all. To feel bitter about the letters we sent out to friends and family asking for support twice - and not getting a single response. To underestimate God's power and ability to work it all out. I mean....realistically...Martha lost hope when Jesus didn't make it to Lazarus' bedside before he died. And was already placed in a tomb. But that didn't matter. And I haven't lost faith that God can and will provide the money for us to do His work.

We originally had to raise $6,000 for the trip, which was due in full last night. Through the support of my immediate family, our church's mission budget, and our own money, we have raised $3,200. Our tickets were bought at $2016.30/each. So without looking at any other aspect of the trip, we now owe $922.60 for the flight alone. The devil tells me it'll never happen. God tells me to trust in Him.

I sat down last night to add up the bare minimum we will need outside of that amount. Including 2 rounds of shots for both of us, money for visas, food, TSA locks for our luggage, emergency money for the "just in case", and travel insurance - we're looking at another $1,200. The devil tells me it'll never happen. God tells me to trust in Him.

Unfortunately, Chris will be missing out on 2 paychecks while we are away, as he has no paid vacation time available at his job. So we also have to have extra money in the bank at the end of September to cover the bills in October we'll still have. At the VERY least - $250. Ideally, $500. The devil tells me it'll never happen. God tells me to trust in Him.

The women are required to wear skirts that come to their ankles during the trip. I have 2. Which means I have to go buy several more. Our team, as a whole, is planning on leaving the majority of our clothing behind when we come back. Chris will also need to purchase clothes to take and leave in Africa. Purchasing 2 weeks' worth of clothes at a thrift store for both Chris and I will be at least $100. The devil tells me it'll never happen. God tells me to trust in Him.

I haven't lost faith. I know God can provide for us to go on this trip. And I know I can't just sit back and wait for Him to perform a miracle. My biggest fear is coming across as a desperate beggar. But I can't allow the devil to crush my faith in God for the next 6 weeks. Matthew 7:7 tells me that I should "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." If you have a heart for missions, and are able to join us in this effort, please visit www.hscoc.org and click on the “donations” tab at the top. Or, if you have further questions, feel free to email me at faith4jesus247@gmail.com .

I will continue to keep you updated on the mission, and are so thankful for the continued love and support you provide. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue preparing for our time over there!

VBS and I have a love/hate relationship. It takes over my life for about 2-3 weeks every year. And by the time it actually starts, I'm ready for it to be over! Although we didn't have an earth-shattering attendance to constitute the extravagency of it all, we still managed to go above and beyond our efforts from the year before.

Last year we held VBS on Friday night and Saturday. We felt our efforts would pay off even more if we held VBS over a 4 day period. So Wednesday-Saturday was dedicated to sending kids 3 to 11 years old through a time warp, back to Nazareth when Jesus was alive. As soon as they entered "Nazareth", they were greeted at a tent, where they were assigned to a Tribe. Once in their tribe, they met for celebration time in the "main" part of Nazareth. There were sheeps, roosters, and hay galore (not pictured)!!

The rock wall pictured was the bain of many people's existence. Not only did it takes hours and hours of labor - but then fell apart at least twice before VBS actually began. I guess the good part is that it stayed together during VBS!

From celebration time, they either headed to the Marketplace, where they spent their coins to purchase food or "authentic" Nazarian souvenirs that they helped create, outside for some Nazarian games, or into my (virgin Mary's) house for some reminiscing about Jesus in the good ol' days. My nosy neighbor, Eunice, would often "interrupt" my storytelling to tell the tribes that she didn't believe any of my stories. This gave the kids an opportunity to tell her why they believed in Jesus and why they loved him. It was a ton of fun, but totally exhausting every night. I had the fortune/misfortune of doing the same skit 4 times every night. I was a pro at the end of it, for sure!! Bring it on, Babylon 2012!

Chris and I were one of the last ones to find out ABC's Extreme Home Makeover was coming to Fayetteville. Apparently they had already had a pep rally the week before to gather interest and volunteers. Somehow, we both missed all of that! Chris was extremely excited for the opportunity to volunteer and help on this project, and went online to register to volunteer. We both figured it would be on the outskirts of town..more in the country...as Blue Ridge Log Cabins was the company building the house. No way they would put a log cabin in town!

Thursday morning, the day they were set to arrive, I was driving to work and heard on the radio that the winner of the extreme home makeover lived off Langdon Street, in Seabrook Hills! WHAT?! That's where I work! And why is this radio guy telling the whole city, when no one is supposed to know until they knock on the door at 10am??! I was about 2 minutes away from work started looking down neighborhood streets to see if anything was blocked off. I saw a cop escorting a textile truck away from Langdon...two trucks waiting by with road block signs...then the parking lot in front of my building was completely blocked off. Woo-hoo! It's gonna be right here! I got to my office and began looking up exactly which neighborhood was Seabrook Hills. I was gonna beat those road block trucks to it!

The news reported that Ty would be knocking on the door at 10am, so I grabbed a coworker, jumped in the car, and headed to Seabrook Hills. We drove by street after street, looking for some sign of their arrival. I wanted to witness it! We even got an escort through the neighborhood by somebody that lived there! But there was nothing. At 10 to 10:00, I frantically crossed the street to another neighborhood. Maybe he meant Seabrook Park...not Hills. We drove in and out, up and down...street after street...after street. An hour later, I "yelled" at Ty for being late on the one day he's supposed to be in Fayetteville. My coworker was convinced that we just hadn't found the right neighborhood. I drove down the other end of Langdon, to turn around and head back to work...when we saw 3 cops in the middle of a main road with their lights on. Then we saw an ambulance pull out. Must have been an accident.

So we sat there and waited for traffic to move....and instead of turning right to go back to work, I was curious what was up ahead. So I kept straight. Low and behold....we found it! Well...we found the bus, anyway! And hundreds of people surrounding it in their blue shirts! And the designers! I was so excited...I pulled off the side of the road to take a picture....just to have a cop stop traffic and tell me to back myself back out! :) I wanted to find a legitimate place to park and get out, but my coworker felt we should get back to work. So I took an incredibly lame picture from my phone and reluctantly went back to my office.

We found out later that when we had seen the bus - it had actually just gotten to town. They didn't go knock on the door till noon. And although the house IS on Langdon St. - it was NOT in Seabrook Hills like the trusty radio DJ said it was!

Fast forward to Sunday night/morning. When Chris went to volunteer, the only shift he could work was 2am-8am Sunday morning. And so he did! He arrived an hour early - got his shirt, a hard hat, and went to work! He said when he got there, they stated that they were 7 hours behind on the project. The part that doesn't make sense to me is that they then were only 45 minutes behind when he left. Way to pick up the pace! Chris said that all the surrounding neighbors had been put up in hotels due to the amount of noise and light needed at night. He was given a list of rules he had to follow as a volunteer...one of which included no pictures. So he didn't take our camera. However, he thinks the guy in charge of yelling at those people was gone, as everyone around him had cameras and were freely taking pictures. The house is worth $750,00, and feels like 2 separate houses put together by a breezeway. The right side will house the director of the center and her family, and the left side has 5 full apartments with kitchens and all....that will hold 5 homeless women and their children. Both sides also have a full basement. They told Chris that it was the biggest house that had even been done on Extreme Home Makeover before.

They opened the project up for spectators starting on Saturday, 8am-8pm. People can park their cars at Fayetteville State University and take a shuttle bus to an area in front of the house. Stay as long as you want and take as many pictures as you want! I haven't gone myself yet - probably won't. But I will get to drive by it every day from here on out!

Michelle Obama is also gracing us with her presense for the final day on Thursday. They said she was coming to "volunteer"...but the house will be done on Thursday. So I feel safe knowing her hands won't get too dirty. I'm going to see if I can be a part of the crazy crowd yelling "Move That Bus!"...but then again...it's going to be hot. I may just wait to see it on TV. Which is schedule to air on October 21st. Mark your calendars.

The following link has a video of the story and progress. Check out how small the house is to the left of the new home!! Ha! http://abclocal.go.com/wtvd/story?section=news/local&id=8256334.

Comically, I blog the most when I'm bored. Hence, when there is no blog post update - I'm busy doing things that are actually blog-worthy. Allow me to catch you up on the past month, in short. Let's pick up on my last diet (where all my blogposts could potentially start off!)

• Continued on my low-fat diet.


• Only lost 3lbs. on it.


• Drove to Tennessee for my nephew's 2nd birthday.


• Bought 200lbs. of sand to create a sandbox for his birthday.


• Took my 4 year old nephew to the Planetarium, where he was afraid we would leave planet Earth forever.


• Bought him honey sticks his mom would object to.


• Gave him candy his mom would object to.


• Gave him spaceman ice cream his mom would object to.


• Attempted to create a slip-n-slide out of a tarp and dishwashing liquid.


• Got made fun of by my sister for eating a low-fat muffin for breakfast.


• Was told by my sister about a low-carb documentary called "Fat Head".


• Drove home and watched Fat Head.


• Decided to switch my low-fat diet to a low-carb diet.


• Put my scale in the back of my car, so I wouldn't weigh myself for a month.


• Engorged on everything I couldn't eat on my low-fat diet.


• Ate more bacon, pepporoni, and hotdogs in the first week than I care to admit.


• Realized I could have REAL ranch dressing.


• Made a bowlful of Outback Ranch dressing.


• Have only eaten 3 salads since then.


• Made 2 pans of brownies for my husband's co-workers.


• Surprised myself by not licking the bowl or spoon in the process.


• Found out my husband's shoulder injury got denied by worker's comp.


• Cried about money.


• Got an unexpected check in the mail from Progress Energy.


• Felt stupid about worrying about money.


• Thought I might be pregnant.


• Cried about money.


• But I wasn't.


• Thought I had take the first test too early.


• Cried about money.


• But I still wasn't.


• Felt even more stupid about worrying about money.


• Spent 13 hours one weekend creating a coupon binder.


• Lost a coupon battle with Walgreens.


• Lost a coupon battle with Wal-mart.


• Poorly planned a trip to Food Lion for groceries.


• Managed to only eat 1 slice of bread in 4 weeks.


• Had a date night with the husband and saw "Bad Teacher".


• Slept in a tent outside for the first time ever.


• Made it through 3 big functions in a single day without eating cake, cookies, or bread.


• Found out 2 friends from church also eat low-carb.


• Found a scale while I was babysitting and stepped on it after 3 weeks.


• Pretended I didn't actually step on the first scale, and acted surprised when I stepped on my home scale after a month.


• Lost 12lbs.


• Spent $7 dying my hair to repair the $100 salon job.


• Succeeded.


• My sister and nephews came to visit.


• Went to the beach with the family.


• Got called "Grammie" more than "Ambuh" by my 2 year old nephew.


• Almost drowned in the ocean, and came home with a really bad sunburn.


• My husband lost his wedding ring in the ocean.


• Cried about money.


• Bought my nephews sparklers for the first time.


• Realized I could eat wings on the low-carb diet and had them 3 nights in a row.


• Typed up 2nd round of letters for Zimbabwe mission trip support in October.


• Found the perfect Christmas gift for everyone in my family.


• Am now wishing away the hours, so that I may leave work and spend more time with my nephews, before my highly anticipated day off tomorrow.

There! I think you're caught up now. :)